


The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men

by thesnowyswan



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M, artist student!aaron, business student!robert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-05-25 14:24:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14979056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesnowyswan/pseuds/thesnowyswan
Summary: Business student Robert nude models on the side and he’s given the name of an art student in need.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It was suggested to me that this story deserved/needed to be a standalone away from my tumblr prompts so here it is. By itself. Alone.

A scribbled down name and room number, Robert stands in front of the door of the McAllen art studio and knocks slowly, three firm raps to no answer. He adds another two before he opens the door.

“Aaron Livesy?” He calls, reading the piece of paper.

“Dingle.”

He jumps nearly six feet out of his skin when the other – Aaron – comes out from behind a canvas.

“Shit.” He almost drops his book bag but grabs it to his body to stop it from falling. He has a class of his own at 4 and it’s 1 now.

Aaron’s a dark-haired man in paint-splattered joggers and a long sleeve top, and he’s is somewhat incongruous to his surroundings. Something common in an uncommon setting. Still, he raises an eyebrow and carries on past Robert to an easel where an A2 sketchpad is set up.

“Tony sent you?”

Robert turns to face Aaron again as he sits down, “Yeah, said he had a student who needed a model.”

“Mmm, he said you’ve done this a lot.”

Somewhere in the pit of his stomach, Robert baulks at the term ‘a lot’, “It helps pay the bills.”

Aaron puts his hands up, “No skin off my nose. Off with ‘em then.”

Robert puts his bag down and heads for the modesty screen that Aaron is required to put up for him as well as the robe on a chair where he leaves his own clothes. Robert has no inhibitions in regards to his body and it has served him well in his expanding side career as the University of Hotten’s resident male artistic nude model. He had helped a friend who in turn mentioned him to someone else until the head of the Arts programme, Anthony Valenti, asked him if he’d model for a class. The fee was brilliant and Robert has been doing them weekly ever since. Schedule depending.

“You don’t really put people at ease,” Robert points out as he comes out from behind the screen, robe done up tight. 

“You know what you’re here for.” Aaron gestures to the sofa set up with a blanket on top and Robert sits down ready for instruction.

Aaron studies him for a moment. Robert’s seen it before, he’s being assessed for his proportions. Being looked through rather than at. He doesn’t realise that Aaron’s eyes are blue until he crouches down and looks up towards the light. They’re not the kind of blue you confuse for something else, they’re strong. Defined.

“Leg up.”

Robert’s brain shorts out, “What?”

Generally, models won’t be touched and never without their permission so Aaron waves at Robert’s left leg to get him to turn onto the sofa properly.

“I want lazy.” Aaron says quietly, almost to himself, “Arrogant.”

Robert folds his left leg up and does the same with his right and lets it drop naturally to the side. He settles himself against the arm.

Aaron shakes his head, “No, further down.”

Robert moves so that his head is on the arm, on top of a pillow, his legs are in the same position and his left arm is draping up by his head. His right is alongside him, his hand on his hip.

“Drop your right hand.” Aaron’s focus seems to pick up and he starts to nod absently when Robert acquiesces. He returns to his easel and changes his sketchpad from portrait to landscape. “Do you have it?”

Robert hums in agreement, “Yeah.”

It’s up to him to remove the robe and settle himself back into the same position. It’s the most frontal piece he’s sat for. Aaron is going to be able to see everything. Not a tease, not a peak, he’s going to be out there. Robert watches Aaron and he’s not even looking at Robert. He’s setting out what looks like charcoal pencils but not only black ones, there are some coloured ones too.

Aaron stops and looks at him, “Alright? There’s a drape-y–”

“I’ve got it.” Robert is fine with his body, he isn’t going to start feeling otherwise now. He shrugs off the top part of the robe and then unbelts it to chuck it off over the back. He shifts back to his position and he checks Aaron to see if he’s happy, but he’s very still. Then as if a button turns him back on, he starts and comes over to Robert again, grabbing a cushion off the floor. One Robert doesn’t remember seeing.

“Shove this under.” Aaron looks down at his stomach and Robert frowns. Aaron clarifies, “Your arse.”

Robert realises what he actually must look like and he hears what Aaron is laying out. He pulls on his hair and musses it up before he does what Aaron asks. Lazy, arrogant, _fucked out_. Aaron doesn’t say anything but his mouth twitches in regards to Robert’s addition, his eyes taking one more sweep of him before he turns away.

His back is turned to Robert when he asks, “Comfy?”

Robert replies, “Yeah.”

“Let’s do it then.”

*

The first ten minutes are the hardest. The silence is so intimate that Robert feels a tingle everywhere Aaron looks at him. The constant appraisal of his body as worthy of drawing. Interestingly, Aaron picks up a pencil first to sketch Robert’s outline and he can guess when Aaron strokes the paper that those are his arms and the lines of where Aaron’s arm slopes down are his legs.

Robert had thought that Aaron didn’t fit, but watching him, there’s no other place he should be. He wouldn’t be surprised if a bomb went off and Aaron carried on sketching. There’s a lost quality to him that Robert wants to reach out and grab him back from. It also doesn’t go unnoticed to him that take away the trackies and the tee, Aaron would be a very worthy model himself. A study in opposites; gruff beard and pretty eyes, how his whole being screams ‘back away’ until he turns to his art and unfolds.

Robert’s alarm goes at 3:15pm. Two hours as standard and he still has a seminar.

Spell broken, Aaron puts down his pencil and slowly rejoins the world.

*

Robert shoves his kit back on, reminding himself to not throw the robe over the settee next time as he had to get up with his bum hanging out. Jeans pulled up and belt looped, Robert is grabbing his coat when Aaron calls out to him, “Are you free Tuesday?”

“What?” Robert comes out from behind the screen. Looking more relaxed in the two hours he’s been here, Aaron looks like a regular person.

“I need more.”

“More.” He repeats.

Aaron wipes his hands on his bottoms and walks up to Robert. He’s shorter. Robert has to look down at him.

“Your face.” Aaron muses and Robert feels a distinct change in the wind until Aaron brings a handful of notes into his field of vision. “I’m not done, I need you to model for two, maybe three more sessions.”

Aaron is not a room of eighteen-year-olds experiencing their first nude drawing class or the community college who comes in filled with empty nesters and grandmothers who want to learn a new skill. He’s set and predetermined.

“This is the only time I really have free so–”

“Sorted. Thanks…?” Aaron looks at him blankly and Robert realised he never told him his name.

“Robert.”

“Ta, Robert, you’re doing me a favour.” It’s tiny, but there, a small smile as Aaron turns back to his easel and leaves Robert standing there.

“Pleasure’s all mine.” He forces himself to say as he grabs his bag and leaves.

_*_

Robert has time to pick up a coffee and crack a book in the square for fifteen minutes before class but all he does is let it go cold and think about Aaron. They say pride before a fall. There’s no pride. Just the overwhelming sensation that Robert is falling down a rabbit hole he didn’t see coming and he’s going to be screwed at the bottom. He checks his phone, less than five minutes.

_Come on, Alice, you don’t want to be late…_


	2. Chapter 2

Robert has his weekly modelling class for Tony and his first-year fine art students. It’s an easy gig where he sits on a stool, facing Tony so it’s mostly his bum and back on show, and he puts his left foot on one of the stool’s footrests and slumps accordingly. There is some titillated whispering to his right, a guy and a girl, friends from the sounds of it, and they trade pencils before they fall into silence like the rest.

Tony hands him his robe when he’s done and some of the students come up and thank him. He sat naked for two hours, it wasn’t world-breaking, but he plasters a smile on his face anyway.

Afterwards, alone and dressed, Tony smiles and offers Robert a seat in front of his desk. Odd as their business is finished and Robert has some work that he needs to do for his essay.

Still, he sits.

“I hear you and Aaron are getting on famously.”

There’s a hint of gossip in his tone, despite being a married man in his fifties, and Robert feels a bit off-kilter because he wouldn’t say he and Aaron are anything. He has sat two more times for Aaron in the same position and found himself falling further and further into a disreputable crush on the surly artist as he stares right through Robert’s personality and looks only at his body. Robert has always taken great pride in his appearance, his attractiveness, and Aaron just doesn’t seem to care. It’s a bit intoxicating if Robert’s honest. Worst still is his own interest is so built up in his mind that it can’t even fall with the reality that Aaron just isn’t into him.

“Yeah, it’s alright.” Robert confers.

Tony laughs, his demeanour jolly, “Aaron is brilliant, so very brilliant, but not very good with people.”

Robert feels surprise well up inside him with that off-centre feeling. Aaron is quiet but polite and respectful, they even joked about Transformers last week in the one instance where Robert drew Aaron into a non-art-based conversation.

Tony picks up on it, despite Robert schooling his reaction, “You look surprised. Aaron has a penchant for being mercurial. _Particular_. Very few reach his high standards, which is why I recommended him you.”

That Robert can understand. Aaron focuses so deeply on his art when draws and he thinks that’s what makes him want Aaron. That sobering feeling in his gut when Aaron looks up from his sketchpad and he wants Robert. Even if he only wants his image, his eyes take him in, scope him out, flay him with their intensity, and it’s Aaron’s hyperfocus that makes Robert raw. Aware. Nothing but his physical form to offer, he wonders, maybe for the first time, if it’s enough.

“He’s got his end of year showcase coming up and I’d like to see more of his work with you.”

Robert feels himself wake up from his own muses to hear Tony’s, “What do you mean?”

“I’ve told him I want two more pieces with you in, to fit with his thematic, to which he agreed. I just wanted to check in with you before he spoke to you about it.” Tony’s words have weight, but Robert doesn’t know what they’re trying to hold or pin, down.

“I’ve got no problems with Aaron.” Robert feels the conversation wind down as Tony gets up and comes around to sit on the front of his desk.

“Good. This is a big project for him and it’s taken him a long time to get to this point.”

Robert knows from experience in his course that big projects start months in advance and even now it feels like Aaron is down to the wire. _Because he couldn’t find a model he liked?_

“Well, I’ll tell him when I see him. Tomorrow.” Robert grabs his bag and Tony offers his hand for Robert to shake so he does.

There’s a different kind of feeling in his stomach now but it’ll have to wait. He has Socio-Economic Infrastructures at 12.

 *

Trying to squelch the recurring giddy feeling Robert gets before he sees Aaron, he knocks on the door and there’s no answer, the same as the first time and every time since. He lets himself in and drops his bag by the entrance while Aaron appears out of thin air, but Robert manages to not lose his shit this time.

“Jesus, get a bell.”

Aaron shrugs and his mouth tugs downward like he doesn’t give a monkeys and Robert really doubts whether he does. His manners extend to an open hand waving him back to his sofa and Robert sighs before he heads behind the screen.

“How was your weekend?”

Robert comes out and Aaron is setting up his pencils. No charcoals. Robert says as much.

“I thought you were using charcoals.”

Aaron looks up at him with an instant second of surprise before it’s gone, “I’m doing an end of year showcase. I can use multiple mediums to convey my topic.”

Robert doesn’t let on that he knows, that Tony told him, “Which is?”

Oddly, something in Aaron shuts down, he turns to grab something out of one of his bags, of which there’s a couple, and he plainly doesn’t turn around until Robert is sat on the sofa.

“I’m sorry.” Robert tries, “I didn’t mean to pry.”

There’s a wheelie stool and Aaron brings it over to where Robert’s head is before he goes to his other bag and gets out a smaller sketchpad and brings that over.

Sitting on it, Aaron motions for Robert to turn his head to the right. “Turn your face to me.”

It’s new. Aaron has never been this close to him before and Robert feels himself slow down like a bug in aspic.

He turns his head, but it isn’t what Aaron wants and he huffs for a second until he asks, “Can I?”

Robert watches for a second before he nods and then says, “Yeah.”

Aaron’s fingers are calloused where he tilts Robert’s chin down, perhaps too far as he lifts it up a little. Robert just closes his eyes while Aaron moves him around. When nothing happens for a second, he opens them.

“No, keep them closed.”

Robert wants to know why they’re posing differently today, he’s even still got his robe on. It’s a desire so intense that he can taste it on his tongue, and yet his mouth stays silent.

“Relax your mouth.” Aaron’s voice is quiet, like an afterthought. Robert can imagine he’s as focused as he was last time, once again Robert the person slipping away from him and Robert the thing to be drawn taking his place.

“Take your robe down.”

Robert opens his eyes and Aaron is still sitting there, waiting. He sits up and unties the belt and Aaron immediately pulls on one of the lapels.

Robert lets his hands drop and Aaron looks at him in silent askance after the fact. He slowly shakes his head yes, his breath caught in his throat, and Aaron pushes one side of the fabric towards his left shoulder. The right he pulls down and exposes Robert’s right pectoral and lets the fabric slip from his fingers. Robert moves so that he’s back in his first position, chin tilted slightly down, relaxed mouth and Aaron’s face flickers with _something_. It’s even less strain on his face than how surprised he was when Robert asked him about his pencils, but it’s a something that exposes Robert more than his nakedness.

Aaron clears his throat, “Close your eyes.”

“Okay.” He agrees with a whisper and that’s how they stay for the rest of their time.

 

Robert’s alarm is shrill in the silence. Aaron has a quieter alarm that goes off a moment after his and they part almost like lovers do, Aaron wheeling away on his stool and Robert feeling bereft of his presence. He really needs to stick his head on straight about this, but he can’t. He tucks himself back up in his robe like a coquettish teen and tries to keep his eyes off the man who has seen so much and so little of him.

Putting his clothes back on, Robert is fiddling with his sleeves, buttoning his buttons when he catches Aaron in his line of sight.

“I need you to model more,” Aaron says bluntly. Robert lifts his head and he can almost see the outline of discomfort in Aaron. He clearly hates having to ask for anything.

“Sure, how long?” Robert tucks his shirt back into his jeans and Aaron shuffles slightly.

“Not once a week, a couple of times. Longer as well. I’m behind on my showcase and I have two more pieces to finish.” He qualifies it with, “I can pay you.”

Robert has his own work to do but he can spare maybe two more nights, three hours each, tops, “I can only do nights after my evening seminars.”

Aaron’s face turns frustrated, “I don’t have the space in the evenings.”

“I have a flat, would that work?” Robert offers, and Aaron looks at him sceptically. “It’s the best I can do.”

Aaron sighs like he’s trapped but he sticks his hand out, “Thursdays and Fridays?”

Thursdays he normally goes to the laundrette to do his washing, but he mentally shoves it to another day, “Okay. Text me the details. I’ll text you my address.”

Robert goes to leave when Aaron catches his wrist, “Robert.”

It’s soft and Robert’s heart pounds as Aaron turns his hand up, he’d just dug his phone out of his pocket, “I don’t have your number.”

Then he lets go Robert’s hand.

_Put it back in your boxers, Sugden_.

He unlocks his phone and gives it to Aaron. He texts himself and drops it back onto Robert’s palm, “Cheers.”

“See ya later.” His response is automatic, his eyes are soaking Aaron up as he goes back to shuffling around with his work.

_You don’t even know if he likes men_. His own postulation drops a metaphorical bucket of ice over him and he’s free of his own self-imposed hypnotic trance.

His feet are like lead as he squints opening the door from the studio into the afternoon sun.

_You’ve got a raging a crush on a man who draws you naked and you just invited him over to draw you naked_ more.

As much as Robert chastises himself he feels hope flutter in his chest. Aaron is going to come over where there’s more than just art supplies and modesty screens to mandate their time together. He could finally get to know Aaron better. He could finally kick this crush back into touch.

_Crushed by his overwhelming heterosexuality more like_.

Robert tries to be realistic as he heads to grab the bus back to the campus grounds, but he doesn’t want to be realistic. University was supposed to be his fresh start. His shot at being himself and wholly himself. Bisexual and proud. His pride has taken more than one knock because of his fear, but this with Aaron, it feels different. It feels honest. Returned feelings or not, it’s good.

His free fall has sped up exponentially and Robert doesn’t even care.


	3. Chapter 3

They have one more session at the art studio for the final tweaks of Aaron’s first piece that he had Robert pose for. That was Tuesday. Thursday, they sorted for him to come over at eight for an initial two-hour session, going up to three if Aaron needs more time.

Robert is proud of his little open plan studio. He’s modelled a lot to be able to afford to live alone even in a place as small as this, and more than that, he’s had to endure more than one person come up to him when he’s fully dressed and surreptitiously look down with a certain type of look because they know what his testicles look like. His sexuality isn’t relevant to his modelling, the same way an artist’s sexuality isn’t to them drawing him. Still, some people can’t just leave well enough alone.

And some don’t even register.

Robert has no clue where Aaron lies on the spectrum. He’s like an artistic void, save for the one or maybe two times Robert thinks he imagined Aaron looking at him the way he wants Aaron to look at him. Maybe Aaron just doesn’t feel that way about him, or anyone. Selfish as it is, Robert prays he does. He has no idea what he was thinking about inviting Aaron here, but he did it for that reason: he wants him, and he isn’t giving up.

There’s a knock just before eight, so Robert grabs the door, still in his clothes, and welcomes Aaron in with a wide sweep of his arm.                 

“Hey.” Aaron bobs his head and Robert remembers himself enough to take one of Aaron’s multiple bags of gear and puts it down on the faux hardwood floor.

“Do you want a drink?” Robert offers as Aaron takes in the space.

The kitchen is just to the left as he comes in the front door, splitting it from the living room by the breakfast bar and at the end of the space is the door to the bathroom, leaving his ‘bedroom’ as the windowed alcove to the right where his bed slots in.

“Water.” And as if Aaron hits the same mental wall of having manners, he adds, “If you’ve got one, ta.”

Robert grabs one from the fridge and proffers it to him and stands there lamely when Aaron takes it because he has no idea what he’s doing.

“I’ll just—” He gestures to the bathroom. Aaron nods and that seems to be his cue for dismissal.

Out of all his things, Aaron has managed to set up a small folding stool, a small collapsible easel and has commandeered Robert’s coffee table for everything else. And at the sound of the bathroom door opening, Aaron looks back at Robert in his long, grey, thankfully decent, dressing gown and his bare feet. He stands up and Robert feels a tension that wasn’t there before.

“Everything alright?” Robert tries and Aaron nods, slowly, swallowing thickly before biting on his bottom lip.

“Can you—?” Aaron squares himself up, strengthens whatever resolve he needs, “Can you pose on the bed for me?”

 _Well, shit_.

Robert can, of course he can but his brain tries to wrap itself around the words.

 _It’s art. Art. Art, Robert_.

Aaron waits, and Robert turns from where he was angled towards his settee the opposite way and heads over to his bed and sits down. Robert realises for the first time there is a tremor in Aaron’s hand as he tries to sort out his sketchpad onto his easel. It unfurls a knot inside him to see Aaron falter, humanised, as he comes to stand in front of Robert. He’s looking up to blue, Aaron’s eyes, his jumper, he’s waiting, and in more ways than one.

“Turn over.”

Holding the belt on his robe, Robert lies on his front, folding his arm under his cheek and his left knee pulled up to balance him from being completely face down.

“Yeah, that’s it,” Aaron leaves him with and Robert arranges himself without his one barrier from whatever _this_ is.

Robert turns his head and he can see something in Aaron’s hand and a trill of anticipation, neither good nor bad, courses through him as Aaron stretches it out into both his hands. It’s just a bit of satiny fabric.

“It’s a prop,” and without much fanfare, Aaron drops it over the small of Robert’s back in a puddle.

 _Not a shady arse blindfold then_.

He sighs with relief as Aaron fiddles with the prop until it drapes convincingly on his back, tickling his left side with a dangly edge but leaving his bum completely naked.

Robert can tell something is bothering Aaron. His vision hasn’t come to life and he doesn’t quite know how to fix it. He gets down onto his knees, closer in level with Robert and just stares.

“Can I help?”

Aaron looks at him, blinking like he actually sees Robert again, “I need you to…”

Robert folds up his other arm under his head and tucks his chin down so that he can see Aaron better, “what?”

“Flip it.” Aaron decides.

Robert is about to roll over, but Aaron puts his hands out, “Other leg, face the other way.”

He does what he’s told, and he gets caught up in the smooth fabric and Aaron doesn’t change a thing. Face turned away from Aaron, all Robert has to rely on is what he feels, and just like when Aaron drew his face, this is intimate in a way the first pose never was. He looks and feels like he might after sex, caught up in his duvet, arse hanging out and ready to sleep. There are people Robert has wanted to shag who have never seen him like this. He can’t even say that Aaron is stealing these things from him, he was the one who got up here and handed them to him.

 _Just—don’t let me get a boner right now_ , Robert schools himself.

There’s a scuffling of paper which Robert is used to now as time trickles down and away from them. Then for a long moment, there’s nothing. Then it starts up again.

The timer goes, and Robert grabs hold of the cover on his bum and puts it over himself while he grabs his dressing gown. Scrunching it up in a ball, he hands it up to Aaron who comes to get it only he pinches the fabric and lets it fall from his fingers like a woven waterfall.

_He doesn’t want to touch it because it touched me?_

Aaron’s other hand scoops up the material and he takes it over to his bag. _Guess not then_.

Robert secures his belt pretty tight, but the top part gapes a little because he didn’t pull it tight enough. After that, he just has to watch Aaron methodically put his things away so that he, Robert, doesn’t screw any of it up.

He also realises that he’s losing the will to live with the situation. He’s in limbo and he’ll stay there until he makes a move, any move, so he strikes out and he strikes out hard, “Your girlfriend okay with you turning up to strange men’s houses to draw them in the altogether?”

He mentally slaps himself for the ridiculous joke slash metaphor, but Aaron stops, turns around and laughs, short and contained, his face turning sombre before he nods, “I’d have to not be gay to have a girlfriend.”

To say that Robert had any one thought at that moment it would have been: _thank fuck, he’s gay_. But it’s more than that. He’s elated. He’s got a massive balloon of happiness blowing up inside him and he’s going to float away.

Somewhere in all of it, Aaron has finished packing and he gives Robert a little salute, “Cheers, Robert.”

 _What, no,_ stay.

“Aaron!” It comes out louder than he intends, and Aaron turns back with raised brows.

“See you here, tomorrow?” He tries to eek out all of the hope from his voice, but he can’t.

Aaron does that little downturn of his mouth he does, “You free?”

“Yeah. I’m free.”

*

Friday morning Robert has paperwork to do so he heads over to the library. He’s been trying to scare up an internship after his last six-month placement ended two months ago. There’s a lot out there, but the trade-off is to work for peanuts, or free. Robert can’t afford free, and he’s better than that. He’s on target to be the highest grading student in his year for the second time in a row. He’s worked at three of the most prestigious firms his course recommends and received glowing recommendations from each. Something has to shake out.

He gets up from his laptop to pick up a book that has finally come off hold and he stops dead. It’s Aaron in his very unnatural habit of _outside_. He’s got tons of stuff with him like always, but he’s also got a few books and is heading the back the same way as Robert to the reading room. Robert loses sight of him after he hits the doors that lead to said room, so he can’t help but deflate. He sits back down at his laptop, and a book is slipped up onto the table next to him.

“What, you not gonna say hi?”

Robert grips the table as Aaron sits down.

“What the shitbiscuits?” He’s not clutching his chest, but he feels like he should be.

“Deadpool fan? Nice.”

Robert side eyes Aaron who opens up a book next time and starts reading. It’s the first time Aaron has initiated contact and brought up a movie.

“Do you like Deadpool?” Robert fiddles with his laptop, angling it and not really doing much as he tries to peg what is going on right now.

Aaron hums, “Love it.”

 _Cool, cool_. Robert mentally facepalms before he tries again, “Have you seen the second one?”

Aaron shakes his head no, “Adam was supposed to go with me, but he begged off last minute.”

It’s eerie how normal this is. How easily Aaron mentions ‘Adam’ after saying nothing much at all for weeks.

“We could go.”

Aaron drops his book, something Robert might consider coffee table reading about old-time-y painters, “You wanna go?”

 _On a date? Where we talk and you take your clothes off as well as me?_ Yes.

“Might as well, no point in missing out.” Cool. Even. _Good one, Rob_.

Aaron leans into Robert’s space, eyes flicking down to his lips and back up again, and Robert ceases to breathe. He had no idea. No idea at all what it’s like to be looked at by Aaron Dingle. If he tips his head down and leans forward a bit their lips might even touch. Robert licks his lips and Aaron pulls away. Robert feels his body drop as if it knew its own expectations had not been met.

“Busy, got a show’n’all that.” Aaron’s voice is lower. Robert feels his mind try to comprehend, sludgy and behind, as Aaron picks up his book to take it, and himself, away.

 _Oh no you don’t_.

Possessed by the balls of someone stronger than him, Robert grabs Aaron’s arm and catches his face with his other hand as they both stand. His mouth descends on Aaron’s and pushes incessantly until he opens up and Robert can pull on his lip with his teeth. It’s wrecked and raw, and Robert doesn’t even know what he’s doing, kissing a bloke in the middle of the day, his beard scratching at his mouth and Aaron’s hands holding delicately onto his elbows until Robert ends the kiss.

Aaron looks blank and Robert feels terrified. He feels like he’s gone and fucked it all up, so he lets his hands go from where they ended up and he steps back, “I—I…”

He turns to fold his laptop down.

“Robert—”

 _I don’t feel that way about you, you’re not my type_ , it all races through his head. It hurts because Robert _likes_ Aaron. Likes how complicated he is and how he makes Robert work for what he gets. What he’s willing to give.

A strong hand yanks on the back of his shirt and Robert drops his backpack, turning around to face Aaron again. Those same hands push him down onto the desk and Robert is pretty sure he’s sitting on his laptop when Aaron grips his hair in between his fingers and kisses him back. He forgets it. He forgets it all. His mouth is burning and so are his lungs when several people start clearing their throats loudly in the distance.

“Fuck.” Robert tries to calm himself down. Aaron leans his forehead on his and spreads his hands over the shoulders of Robert’s shirt before he moves away. He looks put together in comparison. Cool as a cucumber. _How many boys have you ruined, Aaron?_

He wants to pretend like he’s above that, but he’s not. He’s throbbing with unresolved desire, unrepented in how it makes him want. A dose of fear ices him down. It’s new. It’s all so new. His sexuality, his openness. Aaron is a fit bloke and he doesn’t deserve all of Robert’s baggage.

“What ya thinking?” Aaron asks him.

 _Now or never_.

“I’ll take you out after you draw me.” Robert never usually buys into his own press. His own ability to make everyone feel like he knows they want him. It’s like an armour that he’s never quite learned how to remove.

Aaron’s mouth does a little downturn at both corners like he’s saying ‘eh’, “Whatever.”

Robert continues his bravado, standing up and pushing Aaron back by doing so, “Yeah, whatever.”

There’s a twitch of a smile on Aaron’s face and he actually does leave Robert to his work. Suddenly the hours between now and later seem miles long and Robert can’t figure out what exactly he’s just agreed to. Or set up.

 _Well, fuck_.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a specific arc I want to tell and for the final bit to be what I want it to be this is a short chapter.

Robert’s all a-jumble.

He feels sick with nerves but bubbly with excitement. He realised soon after that there isn’t much they can do after ten movie-wise because the theatre is shit, but he knows a little hole in the wall tapas place that’s pretty good. Plus, it’s a Friday night. He can always take Aaron for a drink. He checks his bathroom for anything he might _need_ and it feels presumptuous but he also knows exactly how Aaron kisses.

 _Not saying no when offered_.

Robert hasn’t ever kissed a bloke with a full-on beard before. He can check it off his list of things about men he likes, and also off on his list of things he likes about Aaron. His reduction to a fabled ‘teenage girl’ isn’t lost on him but it’s all he feels he can do. It’s not the same as with a woman. Robert is very much in his element with women. With Aaron, he’s got half a shot of pissing him off without ever even knowing it.

 _I don’t think that’s a men thing,_ Robert knocks his razor in the sink by accident and fumbles to put it back, _I think that’s an Aaron thing_.

_Oh god, what if we don’t have anything in common?_

_We like the same movies, idiot. I know we do._

_Pull it to-fucking-gether, Sugden_.

He feels like that’s all he’s ever done since he came out to himself. Questioned his own feelings to the point where everything bleeds together and he’s so turned upside down that he’s convinced himself that actually what he thought was right is actually wrong.

 _Even if we just shag it’ll be great_ , Robert nods to himself. _An experience. It’ll make me a better bisexual_.

He stares at himself in the mirror _, you’re a terrible bisexual_.

*

Suitably revved up for no apparent reason, Robert is buzzing by the time Aaron arrives with his gear. He’s already put on his robe and Aaron smiles when he sees it and knocks past Robert to set up.

“Saves time,” Aaron acknowledges as he goes, dropping his bags on the settee.

Robert curls up his emotions as tight as he can in his stomach so that the nausea he feels doesn’t peak in him vomiting on either of them.

Aaron comes to stand in front of him, his hand almost reaching out to touch Robert’s belt but stops short.

Robert finds some reserve of normality and tilts his head, “Same as yesterday?”

“Yeah.”

It’s soft and slow. Robert wants to climb inside it, forget the drawing, forget the art, give him the man instead. Robert undoes his robe standing there and Aaron doesn’t hide his steady appreciation for the skin Robert reveals to him.

Robert has never wanted to please someone so badly, so he stays there, Aaron’s fingers come up barely an inch away from his skin but don’t touch him. It’s like he can’t. Not yet.

“On the bed, Robert,” Aaron commands gently.

He places himself on his belly and he shivers unexpectedly when Aaron wordlessly drops the satin on his back again. He twists to help drag it over to his left side when he feels calloused fingertips on his spine. They’re not touching him, not really, just grazing the nerve endings that seem to spike in the exact line that Aaron follows on his back, pulling tingles through his body.  

 _Is this normal? Can this be normal?_ Robert questions as he lays his head down and tries to settle his speeding heart.

There’s a thunk of Aaron dropping his phone, probably having set the timer, onto the coffee table and then he gets to work. And Robert, well, Robert just tries to hold on to what little sanity he has left.

*

In the end, his keyed-up feeling does ease. His shoulders slope more naturally and he scratches his thigh when it itches. Aaron coughs and Robert apologises. Almost genuinely.

The timer goes, and Robert stays. Aaron comes and pulls the fabric off him and Robert can feel the heat where Aaron is still standing to his left. If Robert turns over, he’s putting on a show.

Robert is nothing if not a showman.

Aaron doesn’t look directly down. It’s not like he hasn’t seen Robert like this. Instead, he tips Robert’s head back and leans forward to kiss him. Like his fingers, they don’t touch. He can feel the air heat as Aaron breathes the same air as him, but nothing comes of it. Robert opens his eyes, blinking to focus. Aaron stands up and starts packing away.

“You could’ve kissed me.” He says as he follows, grabbing his robe up from the floor.

“You’re my subject,” Aaron replies as he folds closed his sketchbook.

“Can’t touch the art?” Robert jokes, but Aaron looks back at him.

_Maybe he can’t._

“I don’t like to mix.”

“Bad experience?”

Aaron shakes his head, “It’s not that deep. Art blurs lines. It’s supposed to. This protects us both.”

“But you want to, right?” Robert feels suddenly exposed. He’s barely been able to contain himself and Aaron is just kindly pulling himself back from the edge. _How many other models have thrown themselves at him?_

He stops, looks at Robert, his face naked and unpretentious, “Yeah, I want to.”

“I was gonna say let’s go out for food, but we could stay.” Robert offers.

Aaron’s hand binds itself up in the length of his robe tie and pulls, “Let’s stay.”

*

Robert finds out that Aaron had been using oil paints earlier because he has the smudges of them still on his sides where they stained his skin through his clothes.

 _As if I give a shit_.

His legs are like jelly and he’s panting unattractively as he flops onto his back. He rubs his hand in the back of Aaron’s hair and gives it a sharp tug.

“Oi, get off.” Aaron shoves him and rolls onto his back next to him.

Robert laughs, slinging his leg over and plastering himself to Aaron’s side, “Aww, you love it.”

“Uh huh,” Aaron doesn’t sound like he agrees, but Robert will be replaying it, him, for weeks. He cups his hand against Aaron’s cheek and they share a soft kiss. Robert wriggles himself further into the bed and falls asleep, Aaron by his side.

It’s not how he wakes up. Alone, cold, duvet kicked off onto the floor and in dead silence.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ET FINITO
> 
> This is the part where it turns into a horrific romcom and we're dealing with it. This was never supposed to be a big story or even an important story. I was just spitballing in the tumblr post box and this is what came out.

It’s like Aaron falls off the face of the Earth and Robert’s pride won’t let him text or call more than the one message he sends: **wtf?**

It makes zero sense because they had more sessions planned. Aaron needed him and he just walked away.

Robert stares into space during his lectures, wonders about his sexual experience. _Never had a complaint. From_ _either_ _sex_.

Maybe it’s about his art. Keeping the two of them separate like he said. To protect them both. Only Robert doesn’t feel protected, he feels lost and confused.

 _You’re not the first person ever to be used for a shag, Robert_ , he schools himself as he heads over to the Student Union for a wanky coffee. Tastes like dirt and Robert feels like dirt. A match made in heaven.

Robert takes his wanky coffee and he heads to the Fine Arts room. He’s early and glum, so he sits on one of the chairs, grousing mentally about their hardness and drinks his drink.

Tony comes in a bit ahead of the class and stops when he sees Robert, “You’re early.”

If a shrug could be a lament, that’s what he would have done.

“Oh.”

“Oh?” Robert leans up. “What, oh?”

“Is this about Aaron?” Tony sighs and puts his bag down on his desk at the front.

Robert’s stomach drops, “Is this what he does?”

Tony folds his arms and looks sympathetic, “Robert—”

“Just shags and runs—”

“He what?” Tony holds his hand up and Robert stops.

“Well, uh,” Robert is hyperaware he’s about to tell Aaron’s tutor that they had sex, again, “we…slept together, then I didn’t see him again.”

“If you’re asking me if Aaron sleeps with his models then the answer is no. You’re his first model.”

“What?” Robert sits up and jostles his empty cup off the table.

“Robert, Aaron isn’t a student here. Not officially.”

Robert doesn’t understand, “I don’t—”

“It’s part of his release programme. I fought for him to be taught here, by me. I saw his talent, his gift, being wasted and I abhorred it.”

_Release programme._

_Release…_

_Prison?_

“Aaron has had a rough life and he needed a break.”

“And what, no one would model for the ex-con?” Robert isn’t angry, he isn’t anything but it all comes up out of him like a tarpit inside, sticking to everything and binding it up.

Tony looks at him sharply, sharper than Robert has ever seen him look, “I gave Aaron the hardest project he would ever work on, himself, and I trusted you to help him with that.”

 _And my fancying him fucked it up?_ It’s like he’s shuttled down to Earth with a bang. His feelings suddenly feel very small and insignificant.

“Is it…will he get into trouble for what we did?”

“Oh god no, you’re two consenting adults. Physically, anyway.”

Robert takes the hit, he deserves it.

“Do you know where I can find him?” Because as much as he’s mad, he’s hurt too.

Tony looks at him again and Robert holds steady despite wanting to squirm just the smallest amount.

“He could be anywhere, but I know he’ll be here at 9 pm in a week’s time.”

 _The showcase_.

“I might be inclined to give you a ticket.”

Robert stands up and pulls himself up to his full height. Tony tilts his head as if he’s taking Robert’s measure and he wrinkles his nose.

“How long did it take? Three weeks?” Tony opens up his desk drawer and pulls out a black ticket with white writing on it.

“Three weeks…?” _Oh_. Robert refuses to blush, but he feels hot enough that he might be anyway. “Wait, you knew Aaron was gay—”

The first student arrives and Tony waves the ticket for Robert to take and then shoos him to get ready.

*

7 days, 168 hours, or less than that now.

 _Am I really going to show up at the art showcase of my one-time…fuck buddy?_ Robert listens to the noise, the hustle and bustle of university life going on around him and he thinks.

_On the one hand, it was good sex. Really good sex. On the other, Aaron buggered off never to be seen again._

On the one, Robert…Robert felt like he mattered. To Aaron. That he saw more. He gave more because of it.

 _I gave more. I twisted myself inside out for a bloke who never saw me at all_.

 _You wanted to be bisexual, Robert. Here’s to getting fucked by two genders, mate_.

When he gets home, he drops the ticket into his useless fruit bowl that never has any fruit in it. He’s a student, who the fuck ever has any fruit?

*

Robert tries to forget until the morning of the showcase when banners go up around campus and people gather as some of the statute pieces are set up outside. There’s one that looks like the cross between a slinky and one of those ring games out of a Christmas cracker and it pisses Robert off to look at it. Tony grabs him as he’s standing in front of it and shakes him lightly.

“See you later.”

He hums, non-committal and Tony stops, “Please come, Robert. People want Aaron to fail because of who he is. You, you will have helped him to succeed.”

“Yeah, I’m just basking in Aaron’s overwhelming need of my presence.”

Robert sighs. His phone has been silent for days.

“Give the boy a chance, you fool!”

Robert can’t help but be taken aback by Tony’s vehemence.

“Has anyone ever written you off without a second glance?”

Tony knows that people have. In one of their quiet moments when Robert had confessed his sexuality because he thought it might have been a problem with what Tony wanted him to do. Being ‘of a certain age’, Robert had shrunk down and expected everything but Tony’s gentle hand on his shoulder and telling him it was going to be alright.

It all makes more sense to him now too.

“I see you, Tony Valenti,” Robert nods and wags his finger, “I see you.”

“See what, Robert?” He shrugs but his smile is wide, “There’s nothing at all to see.”

*

Robert puts on a nice jumper over his shirt and tie and fiddles with his cuffs so that they’re tucked just under the jumper’s sleeve hem.

The McAllen studio, the place where Robert had first met Aaron, is all done up with black sashes and gilded lettering. Three shows occupy the same space and the card says that Aaron’s is at the back.

Robert passes some interesting photography that he knows nothing about, but he enjoys the aesthetic of the old rope swing hanging from an oak tree.

He reaches Aaron’s exhibition and it’s pretty simple in design; podiums staggered diagonally from a point A to point B, each of them holding a different version of _Robert_ from what he can tell. The first is the first pose he did. Aaron had sketched him out in pencil, roughly, and then with watercolour dripped from the upmost edges, the colour fades into nothingness. It’s like Robert is a dream, an arrogant sexual being bleeding himself into existence. The second is their last pose, Robert scribbled out in charcoals with angles and the air of Degas to him. Life, but glossed over, almost like smoke and mirrors. The third is actually a photograph. He knows his own bed, his own legs, and it’s them intertwined with Aaron’s, naked, showing from their thighs down. He had no idea Aaron had even taken it. And the fourth, the fourth makes no sense. There’s no nudity, there’s nothing but Robert’s face.

It’s embarrassing because he realises he _is_ naked in it. The curve of his mouth he didn’t even know he must have been doing. Aaron has put Robert’s feelings on show for everyone here to see. Before he’s even decided what they are. He has to get out of here. He tries to forge a path out, only he hits a person and they don’t move.

“There’s five pieces.”

Aaron’s voice catches him. Robert looks up, and he looks good. He’s wearing a black suit that shouldn’t look good on him at all but looks amazing. He tips his head down to get Robert to go back to the fifth piece. It’s not of Robert. It’s two paper cut out silhouettes. A man and a boy. They’re holding hands.

_A father and a son?_

“They’re both me.” Aaron looks uncomfortable, the same way he did when Robert asked him about his project before. “All this is me.”

“I’m naked in most of them,” Robert points out as they walk back past Robert’s charcoal bum.

“I saw you once, in one of Tony’s classes at the beginning of the year. He dared me to ask you to be my model, he knew I had the fine art module coming up.” Aaron shrugs, “I know he told you I was in prison.”

It’s a bit of a segue way but Robert shakes his head, “I don’t care.”

“Why?”

 _I want you_.

“The past is the past, right?”

Robert realises Aaron is leading them out to the trees planted behind the studio, some memorial thing, but there’s a bench that’s done up with fairy lights for the occasion. He doesn’t know what he expected, but he didn’t expect Aaron to just find him and explain straight off. Not after his disappearing act.

“He wanted me to push myself.” Aaron says almost absently, “He wanted me to pick a subject that engaged me.”

“And you thought I’d say no?”

“I thought you’d say yes.”

Robert sits, Aaron doesn’t.

“I haven’t always been alright with myself.”

Aaron inhales like he’s trying to pull himself together and Robert aches to reach out and touch him.

“Tony knew I liked you. Wanted me to open up to that side of myself.”

Robert thinks about the last piece, the shadow versions of Aaron. Him now and him as a boy. United.

“He said it’d make me a better artist.”

Robert pats the seat next to him and Aaron sits, “Did it?”

Wordlessly, mouth open and trembling a little, he nods.

“You weren’t supposed to like me back though.”

“If you liked me, why’d you run?” Robert grasps Aaron’s thigh as he tries to turn away from him, to cover what has been exposed.

“No one stays with me.”

“So, what? I don’t even get a shot?”

“Robert—”

“I don’t know what your issues are,” Robert laughs cynically, “But I have more than enough of my own, so if you think you’ll be the only shitshow here, sorry, you won’t be. And regardless, I fancy you like mad.”

“We could be amazing, or we could be terrible.” His laugh now is more genuine and Aaron lets him lace their fingers together, “Probably amazing though. You tried to resist me and we still ended up shagging.”

Aaron makes a disbelieved face, “Tried to resist you—”

“Failed. Miserably.” Robert stands up and tugs Aaron’s hand with his own, “You were so devastated by me you couldn’t even handle me twice.”

“You absolute—”

Robert lifts his chin, “What?”

“I dunno how we’re supposed to go on dates with your ego in the room, I’ll suffocate.”

“You wanna go on dates?”

Aaron shifts on his feet and mumbles under his breath, “Sure, that’s what you heard.”

“We’ve all got our fuck ups, Aaron.” Robert thinks about his first boyfriend, the lies heaped on lies trying to keep the plates of normality spinning and how everything eventually smashed to pieces. _Fresh start_ , he reminds himself, _open and honest_.

“You keep sayin’ that.” Aaron rubs his thumb over his, eyes downcast watching himself as he does.

Robert shrugs, “Yeah, well, I’m working on it. What about you? Think you can blur the lines without running a mile?”

“We’re not so different, you and me.” He whispers as he dips his head slowly, giving Aaron the chance to back off if he wants.

With the same intensity that Aaron applies to his art, he pulls Robert in the last bit of the way and kisses him like his life depends on it. Robert almost falls off his feet he’s dragged so hard against Aaron’s body. He goes with it, just like when Aaron drew him, he’s willingly moulded, his hands loose by his sides as he feels Aaron’s fingers dig into his hips to pin him in place.  

And as if he never touched him, Aaron leaves Robert standing there and heads back into the studio.

*

 _It’s like getting whiplash_.

Robert goes back inside and he sees there’s a refreshments table and picks up the first plastic cup of wine he sees. Several people have stopped Aaron, presumably to talk about his work, but his eyes follow Robert. It’s the kind of look that feels like a touch. Robert picks up another cup of wine and downs it.

_Are we on? Are we a thing?_

Sources say no, but Robert feels it in his bones. Eventually, he loses Aaron in the crowd and bumps into Tony.

“Aaron’s a rousing success!” He claps Robert on the back and Robert raises his fifth? cup of wine. “Are you two not sorted yet?”

“I told him I wanted to date him and then he snogged me,” Robert slurs a little, his belly sloshing with wine, “It was great. Then he left again. Not so great.”

“I’m not well versed in how boys do these things, but I imagine everything is the same.” Robert makes a face and Tony smiles, “He was agreeing.”

“You think he wants to date me?”

“Robert, part of my brief for Aaron’s project was that he had to draw someone he desired. A little unorthodox and, yes, somewhat inappropriate, but it was what he needed.”

Tony guides him back to Aaron’s work, starting with his full-frontal foray.

“He came and watched a couple of the first-year classes from the back and I knew that I could push him if he had you.”

“Aaron could make his art anything he wanted, except real.”

“His theme wasn’t nudity or nakedness. It was reclaiming.”

Robert looks again at Aaron’s pictures. At himself. He had been terrified to even ask Aaron out and Aaron had drawn the most intimate parts of himself through Robert.

 _Okay, so doing a runner after sex wasn’t the worst thing_ , Robert tells himself.

“He named them desire, beauty, together, joy and self; each one leading to the next.” Tony walks the line of Aaron’s work with a look of pride on his face. “They’re his admission pieces to the university. He’ll be starting in October.”

Robert leaves Tony where he is, pulls out his phone and texts, **where r u?**

*

Robert ends up staying until everything slows and starts to close down. Aaron reappears, and Robert cocks his head, gesturing to go back out to the bench again.

“You’re soft,” Robert tells Aaron as they face each other.

“What?” Aaron frowns and folds his arms.

Robert thought that Aaron’s art had made him cold, dispassionate, separate from him, ‘the great unknowable artist’, but it was what was binding them together. Both of them looking for some kind of honesty inside themselves.

“You’re gonna be my boyfriend and we’re gonna be very happy together.”

He traps Aaron this time, arms slung over his shoulders, crossing behind his head so he can’t step away.

“Robert—”

“Shut up, ya idiot, I’m driving this car, steering this wheel.”

“Are you smashed?” Aaron stabilises him with hands on his waist and it feels amazing.

“Dutch courage.” He smiles wide and Aaron shakes his head like he doesn’t know what to do with him. “Dating blokes is hard, dating _you_ is hard, but I’ll do it.”

“Oh, ta.” Aaron rolls his eyes and starts to let Robert go but he stops him by holding his hands where they are.

“No. I never with a man…properly before. He weren’t like you.” Robert frowns at the thickening of his own accent, but carries on, “I was gonna be this great bisexual…bloke. Out and proud.”              

He doesn’t even know where he’s going with this, but it feels like it needs to be said.

“But I walked into an art studio and met you. No plans, no idea, just you. Does that make sense?”

Aaron looks at him, “No.”

Robert shoves him off, “Oh for—, I’m twenty and I…”

Aaron pulls on the front of his jumper and pulls him into his personal space, “You love me.”

“What? _No_.”

“It’s okay, you love me.” Aaron looks at him sympathetically.

Robert feels horrified, “No, I just met you.”

“One shag and you’re in love with me.”

“Take that back, you twat,” Robert tries to grab Aaron around the neck for a headlock, but he pushes him off.

They tussle for a bit and Aaron holds him away with a laugh, “Alright, ya dickhead, just get off me.”

“Never, mate, you’re stuck with me.”

“’Cause you love me.”

“ _No_ , _I don’t_.”

*

In all honesty, he probably did. He definitely does now, standing in his cap and gown, graduating with Aaron’s smiling face in the crowd and his fingers permanently smudged with charcoal that gets on everything in their flat. He’s stupidly in love with a man who creates worlds with his hands.

It became their shared secret when Aaron took Tony’s class officially in Robert’s last year. A gaggle of eighteen-year-olds muttered and fell silent behind Robert’s back as he dropped his robe, Aaron placed his desk directly in front of him and got out his sketchpad. Robert splayed his knees a little and leaned back, everything covered from the sides by his thighs, his back arched but his head tipped down to his chest. The other students considered Aaron’s actions as a bold power move and looked to him for guidance, him becoming their Yoda and guru. Robert gave up modelling right before his final essays were due because he didn’t have time anymore and he was sad to give it up.

“You walk around the flat naked enough as it is, Rob, it’s not like you’re giving up that much,” Aaron had told him as he was working on another textured piece.

“It made me feel good, and it brought me you.” Robert tucked himself up behind Aaron on the settee, legs either side of Aaron’s.

“For the sake of humanity, put it away.”

He’d shoved Aaron’s head down and left him to it.

 

There’s one part of one of the graduation speeches that he thinks he’ll always remember, how it summed up his whole experience: _Let your heart guide your path, for not even your head can know the best laid plans of mice and men_.


End file.
